I grew up for no particular reason, always waiting for death to come to me.
Everything I loved or cared about had no meaning to me.
I had no best friends they required affection and I had no affection to give them.
They say you must give up something to change.
I changed and I gave up my trusting ways. I trust no one to love me. It developed many insecurities.
I have lived life with the soul purpose to give love and do not expect to receive anything in return
Every time I expect to be loved I get hurt.
I am tired of waiting for the world to love me that doesn’t mean in anyway that I do not love the world.
I not scared like I used to be of my own silence or the past anymore.
I hear the voices, I see the shadows. I hallucinate. I see the walls move and the floors sway back and forth and I am no longer intimidated by this psychosis.
I am waiting for clarity. I need to plan this life of mine. Now is the time to act . I’ve been to overwhelmed but everything will come together and if it doesn’t I make it come together.
They say you must give up something for change well i am giving up my insecurities, my worries, my anxious ways so that I can be brave once again.
Let life happen but when it gets to tough allow yourself to breath.
Elijio taught me its not okay to be so insecure. He taught me friends care. He taught me the beauty of patience. He taught me the beauty of being stressed.
Leslie taught me that it wasn’t my fault. She taught me about having confidence. She taught me to try hard to reach your goals and that its oaky to cry and feel sad and she taught me the beauty of female friendship.
Vanessa taught me the beauty of pain and sadness. She taught me not to fear it but embrace it. She taught me to love me when I am sad and to lobe me when I am happy and to be happy with life’s unpredictability because its what makes life , life and worth living.
Ally taught me to not fear judgement. Ally taught me to its not okay to stop trying to be happy. She taught me how to love everyone you meet no matter how much you will get hurt. She taught me how to love others for the sake of loving. She taught me everything is worth it.
Ferny taught me to embrace the now. No looking back. He taught me how to say what I feel and mean what I feel and only do it if it feels right. He taught me the art of remembering who I am.
My brother taught me how to love unconditionally. The hardest of loves yet. He taught me how to stand on ky own. He taught me how to fight others judgement. He taught me to be on my toes.
My mother taught me the beauty of patience. She taught me forgiveness. She taught me confidence. She has taught me self worth. She has taught me deligemce and tidyness. She has taught me discipline. She has taught me to never give up.
My father taught me that I do not need a father figure to be loved . he taught me independence.
My stepfather taught me to love everyone no matter how hurt you will end up. He taught me to be note than just a physical appearance. He taught me how to draw my pain. How to express myself in my writing. He taught me to sacrifice my all for love. He taught me how to be responsible. He taught me that knowledge is beautiful he taughtmme to be optimistic. He has created so much damage but he has also showed me what how to respond to pain and radiate optimism .